How is everyone? I hope you all are great and enjoying the weather.
It is rainy today.
Life is good.
But let me tell you... I have been praying for humility. I also prayed that I can understand the depths of humility. I don't want to say it was a bad idea because it wasn't but let's just say its been a humbling week. I know that God hears and answers our prayers. I know He loves us because we are His children. Heavenly Father is helping me to learn how to develop humility. It has been crazy. I definitely have been learning a lot. I continue to pray to understand humility better. I am thankful to have the companion I have. She is very sweet and patient with me. I feel like I am the worst missionary ever. Which I know is not true but when you feel like you are being chastised almost every day, you begin to feel like that. I know that Satan is trying to get to me. His purpose is to make me feel like I am nothing and he wants to creep in and discourage me. He wants to weaken me. But I know that through Christ I can be strengthened. True humility is recognizing God's power and wisdom in my life. I know that I am nothing on my own but with God I can be everything.
My companion and I have both been out the same amount of time. We are both strong independent women. We have set ways that we like to do things. We are learning how to cooperate with one another and talk about things. Humility is being willing to adapt and be flexible. You don't have to have it be your way. So often we only see what we see and not what others see. You learn very quickly how selfish you can be. You realize the little things don't matter. You learn what is most important. What matters most in life are our relationships with people. Is it worth hurting someone's feelings just to feel gratified in our pride for having been right? If its going to hurt a relationship then its not worth the battle. People are what matter. That is why we do what we do in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are all working towards the same thing. There is no race in getting there. What matters is that we help each other to get there. The celestial kingdom is not going to be any fun if you are there by yourself.
Humility helps you to prioritize your life. You realize what is most important. Humility is not having to be right. You aren't out to win the argument. In fact you are the first to end the argument. You begin to see the other person's perspective. Humility needs repentance. We repent of the pride we have in our hearts. We ask God's forgiveness when we put our will before His. Sometimes when I think I am doing important things but there still might be something that God would rather me do at certain times. I don't know if this is making any sense. Humility is admitting that you are wrong when you are wrong and you don't do it grudgingly either. I have learned that I need help in overcoming my weaknesses and asking for help. Which it is really hard for me to do that. My family certainly knows that for sure. :) I am acknowledging that I need Him every hour. He is the only one who can change me. Humility is also accepting correction without a grudge. I have learned that if I cannot accept correction in my life then I am not fit for God's kingdom. It doesn't hurt for me to open up and talk about my weaknesses but its nice to open up and share with someone you can trust. Sister Javed is someone I can open up to because I trust her with my feelings. I know she will still love me. I know she is there to help me. Those things are so important. We truly must love someone first in order to correct them. I have learned that I must think before I talk. I need to be aware of feelings of other people. Even though I have not been the most fun person to be around Sister Javed is quick to forgive me. She shared with me why. She has been blessed with the gift to forgive and forget quickly. She shared me with me these verses.
Therefore I say unto you, Go; and whosoever transgresseth against me, him shall ye judge according to the sins which he has committed; and if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also.Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me. And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbor’s trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation. Mosiah 26: 29-31.
She said I condemn myself when I do not forgive. She said that when someone hurts her, she wants to immediately forgive them. She said especially when it is hard, I forgive them. She loves me in spite of my weaknesses. And knowing that she loves me and is willing to help me change and not be judgmental then I know I can do it. I feel so vulnerable opening up to her the way that I have. I am trusting her with things that are so dear and precious to me. But I can't keep them to myself. I have tried and it doesn't work. I need help. I know change does not come easy, or over night or quickly. But I know with her support I can change. All things are possible through Christ. I know its important for me to believe that I can change. Or otherwise I can't change, I am stuck in a pit that I can't get out of. But with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I can get out. Heavenly Father has placed people in my life for a reason. I am surrounded by people who love me. We all need people in our lives that will help support us and be patient as we fall and get back up. We can't do it on our own. None of us can.
Sister Javed said that a strength of mine is to be honest and open about my weaknesses. I pour out my heart to Heavenly Father and plead for forgiveness of the hurt and the pain that I have caused and especially ask for forgiveness of putting my will before God's will. I have cried more this transfer than I have my whole mission. I am not use to it. I have gratitude for my Father in Heaven. I love Him dearly. I thank for these experiences. It is not easy. But I want to have humility be a part of my character so bad. Humility is having a grateful heart for all the blessings that God gives.
Know that I am happy. I am thankful for what has happened. I know all is well. Don't worry about me. All my trials are self-inflicted. This is what you get when you pray for humility. I will keep sharing my experiences of learning humility. I don't have enough time to share everything as to what has happened. I love you. I miss you.